This morning I visited a friend.  We chatted over a latte and a cinnamon bun. My two year old played with her sons’ toys and entertained himself for two hours.  I felt grateful and indulgent.   I felt more fully alive after the visit, even if I initially felt like I ‘should’ be cleaning or doing something ‘productive’.

She sent me a text first thing in the morning inviting my son and me for a coffee.  I decided within seconds.  ”Yes!”  I’ll go and let everything else be for the morning.  With my spontaneous commitment came a feeling of freedom.  Clear and confident.

We talked about dance classes, kids, grandparents, relationships and all sorts of topics that refresh me when I dive in and reflect.

We both came to the conclusion once again, but for me in a much more clear and solid place, that commitment is freedom.  I commit to a dance class and that time is freed up for me to dance.  There is nothing left to think about during that time, or before it.  I don’t need to think about, “should I go?” or ‘how do I feel?’ or ‘can I get a babysitter?” hours, or moments, before the class. Because I’m already committed and I have that sorted already.  It frees up head space, energy and time.

I read Pema’s blog after I arrived home from visiting my friend and I felt a surge of emotion. I was talking about my grandma this morning, over coffee with my friend, and Pema’s words resonated with me.  I had a similar relationship with my Grandma. It was committed: clear, purposeful and loving.

When I worked with Jeff Baker (a purpose coach) a few years ago, his work resonated with me.  I was resisting commitment generally and the truth was I had it backwards.  I thought that commitment meant restraint in some crazy way.  I thought that commitment zapped creativity and spontaneity: two of my very favourite life spices, because there would be no room for it.

During one of my sessions with Jeff, he could sense my resistance to creating systems (and this links to commitment for me) when I was learning to organize my small business.

He said, “Gillian, systems free your mind.”

And I felt like a changed woman.

I really did have it backwards.  Commitment is freedom.

in wild blossom spirit

gillian  

Please share any stories, or thoughts, with me here.  I would LOVE to hear them.