an admission…

I'm shy.
I'm admitting it.
It was probably some years ago that I admitted it before.
And, yes.
I'm still shy.
At 40.

It's been a long journey. Some years easier than others.

And, with my admission of shyness I want to explore it deeply.  
I have so many questions that I haven't really explored, truthfully, 
perhaps.  And, openly.
It might take a while... but I'd like to start now.
Please join me, if you'd like.  And, share...

hmmm...

shyness.

I can sense it in the students I teach. It's a special sense. 
Kind of an instant "shy-dar" energy that perhaps shy people
share... It comes with an instantaneous, compassionate reaction. 
I want to reach out my hand and pull a shy student
away, like it's a dangerous beast. I get a mama bear instinct. 
Stay away from this shyness thing, my dear, wild teenagers. 
It won't serve you.  I want to say, "stay wild. Don't hold back. 
Don't tame your beautiful, free spirits...  just grow as you."

Because...

shyness WILL hold you back.
It'll make you live small and you'll feel insignificant.
It will stifle dreams and possibilities.
It will reserve your spirit.
And, fear might just get the best of you.

I know.

And, what I also know is that...

I wasn't born shy.

And, I've pushed shyness away with healthy strategies and not so 
healthy ones. And, some of the strategies have been
around for years... maybe since I was 6 years old, or so.

Here is my list in random order, of when I don't feel shy, 
or AS shy in the world... 

playing with my children. holding babies. talking to teenagers. 
wine (with any combinations of the following people). 
strangers. family. friends. dancing. music. pregnancy. childbirth. 
yoga. taking the listener role. writing notes. passivity. 
one on one connections. avoiding... anything, really. 
especially avoiding conflict. swimming. disengagement. running away. 
meditation. pretending. going to movies. vulnerability. crises. 
imagining. daydreaming. clothes. home. solitude. nature. baking. 
flowers. playing with animals. plants. getting my hands into soil. 
dreaming. making art. purpose. telling the truth. 
living from my heart . listening to my heart. action.  love.  

There is a lot here for me to explore already.  
I want to leave it at this.  To sit and be...  

In wild blossom spirit,  

gillian

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